You gotta start somewhere

I thought I would start out letting everyone know a little about me, and how I got to be the weight I am now, plus all my excuses for being this big and more.

I am 33 years old, a mother and wife. I have a 3 year old daughter named Nina, she is one of the reasons that I am starting this journey, but she isn't the only reason. I am also doing this for myself. I am tired of being FAT, yes I said it, I am FAT, I have never been in denial over that fact, and I tell people often that yes I am indeed FAT. The word fat doesn't bother me that much, it is the truth people are fat, and I am fat. But I am going to change fat to fit.
I have been fat for a long time, but not always. Here is how it all happened:
When I was born, I was far from fat, I weighed in at 2lbs 2 oz, and that was in 1975 before all of today's fancy medical knowledge, so it is a miracle that I survived. For most of my childhood, I was small, even a little below weight for my height and age. But, that all changed when I was 9 years old, I started to go through puberty, I got boobs, and hips. But, I also started to put on a lot of weight in my legs, so much that everyone thought I had something wrong with me. By the time I was 11 years old I weighed in at 165lbs and I was not only the tallest girl in my class but now I was the biggest also, and the other kids would not let me forget that. A memory that happened around that time, is what has stuck that weight in my head: In our elementary school we had twice yearly weigh-ins, these were done in the school nurse's office, all the girl's would go weigh-in together and all the boy's would go together, the nurse would also announce your weight to the other kids. So on this weigh-in, I stepped up on the scale, and I waited for her to announce my weight, She said: 165lbs as loud as she could, behind me I heard all the other girl's start to giggle. When we got back into the classroom, the other girl's couldn't wait to tell the boys how much I weighed, from that point on, I was teased about my size everyday, not only in the classroom, but also on the school bus, because before the end of that first day everyone knew how much I weighed, including older kids on the bus, who where the worst at teasing me.
So as the years went by I gained more and more weight, even though I was a fairly active child. I played softball every spring/summer, I didn't sit around and watch TV (that just didn't happen in our home), and we didn't eat a lot of junk or have soda. Doctor's had no answers for my Mom, I can remember our family doctor giving me a diet to follow, but it had no results. By the time I was in the 12th grade I remember weighing in at 215 lbs, and I was 5'10" tall (Depending on who you ask, I have a 2" difference in my legs, so sometimes I will measure in at 5'8" tall). I was still pretty active as a teenager, even doing things that other big girl's wouldn't think of; like trying out for the flag corps and making it, and wearing a not so flattering outfit to perform in. (yes that was me, the big girl in the skin tight leotard, out in front of hundreds sometimes thousands of people preforming). I no longer played softball as a teenager, but I was in a very active marching band, we had practice everyday, and worked out a lot. The year when I was in the flag corp, I did lose a little weight, but mostly I just increased my muscles and became more flexible. During these years after I started puberty, I did not have a cycle (period, whatever you want to call it), and My Mom searched for answers for that too, but no one had any. So I just lived with it, when my period did come it was unreal, heavy bleeding, and just horrible. I probably had a total of 5 periods from the time I hit puberty until I was 17 years old.
I never really let my weight hold me back from doing most things, but I really didn't fit in, and there were some things that I wanted to do but, didn't because of my size. I do regret those moments now that I am older and truly wish I would have just done those things.
As a young adult, I found some ways to get rid of the pounds, not all of them but some of them, by doing very unhealthy things, like taking diet pills (taking a lot of them), using illegal drugs and more. But these things would only end up causing me to gain more weight back, once I stopped them. My greatest weight loss achieved was 50lbs, but the way I did it was no way healthy.
When I was 18 years old, I started to look for answers myself for my lack of periods issue. I had a few doctors just tell me it was because of my weight, and a few say it is hormones. I was prescribed birth control, which in turn made me very sick, it did help a little with the problem at first, but had stopped working and started making me sick when I stopped taking them. So for the next several years, I just went through life not having a cycle and not knowing what was wrong. And yes steady gaining weight.
In 2000 I started dating that man of my dreams, a friend from high school. The next year in 2001 we were married. He joined the Army for the second time not long after we got married, and later in 2001 we moved to Hawaii. So started my married life, at this time I was 26 years old and weighed in at 295 lbs, give or take a few lbs. I started looking into having the gastric bypass done about a month or so after we were married, because a surgeon suggested it to me, when I was having my gallbladder removed. I researched the surgery for a year before I made the decision to see about having it done.
So in early 2002 I made an appointment to see my primary care doctor, to discuss the surgery. He was not for or against the surgery, but wanted me to do a few things before he would refer me to the surgeon. I had to have a complete check up, including pap smear and full blood work up; including hormone work up, and I had to quit smoking. (A few months later I was also seeing a mental health person for my depression). So I set out on my journey, I signed up for the quit smoking group, I had a pap done, did the blood stuff, and started treatment for my depression. So my hormone blood work came back all messed up, I had too much of this, not enough of that. So my doctor wanted me to have a ultrasound done, so I did. And that is when I was told that I had PCOS, and my doctor went into great detail about what it is, and how to live with it. I was so relieved to finally know why I wasn't having periods all this time. So I was then put on a medication that works in some women with PCOS, glucaphage (sp?), I took it for 2 or 3 months before I had to be taken off of it because of side effects, I was then given something else (I can't remember the name), and I had bad side effects with it also, so I was taken off of it, at that time my only option was birth control or to see a specialist. Well birth control was no go, I am fat and I smoke (even though I had quit smoking at the time), plus I was known to have bad side effects with it also. So I opted to see a fertility specialist, he gave me something to take, I only needed to take it once a month at first, then every other month afterwards, as long as my period responded. Plus I would be put on fertility drugs so that I could get preggo, later on. The drug worked great, and quickly. I only took it once, and had a period 2 days later, and didn't even have to take it the next month. But then we found out my husband was going to be deployed to Iraq, and everything with the fertility doctor went on hold. And even though I did everything that was required of me for the referral for gastric bypass, I was denied the referral because my husband was going to deployed.
I was devastated, because I knew that the only real help I have/had for my PCOS was to lose a lot of weight. But life went on. So I started back smoking,and gave up for awhile. That caused me to gain weight and I then went up to 313lbs.
My husband spent 13 months or so in Iraq that first time, and I did diet some while he was gone, losing 30lbs, but quickly gaining it all back as soon as I started to eat regular food again, after dealing with a bout of food poisoning for several months. My weight went back up to 313 quickly.
I kept on researching gastric bypass, and told myself many times this was the only choice for me, nothing else was going to work. And decided that as soon as I could I was going to try again.
Soon after that I found out I was going to be a mother, (through the miracle of adoption). So I put my "dreams" on hold for a little while, to get ready for the job of a parent. This was late 2004, in July of 2005 we changed duty stations and came here to GA, in Sept. of 2005 our daughter Nina was born. I weighed in at 315lbs. And I was 30 years old.
Early 2006 I started looking into gastric bypass again, I didn't want Nina growing up with a fat mom. So I once again started the process: By making an appointment with my primary care doctor, this time my doctor was all for it. But the surgeon's office was not for it, I had to visit a surgeon here on post, even though they do not do the surgery, he then told the room of people a bunch of lies about the surgery, showing that he knew nothing about it, and when I questioned some of the things he said, he pretty much called me an idiot in front of a room of people. He really should have done more research, because he real told those people a bunch of lies. But, like I said he didn't preform the surgery anyway, and he told us all that before he would okay us being referred out to another surgeon we needed to go a a diet (provided by the on post nutritionist) and we had to complete and exercise program (which is also on post and requires several weeks of time, around 1 hour a day). So once again, I gave up. Why? because I didn't want to do some diet, and I really didn't have the time for the exercise program or a way to get there (we only have one car, which my husband needs for work). In reality I wasn't ready to change.
So I am thankful that I didn't get approved for the surgery either time, I think it was God trying to tell me you don't need the surgery, you just need to work hard.
So now we are in early 2009, I weigh in between 319lbs-328lbs (I don't have a scale yet, this is just guesses from previous weigh ins). And I am ready to change!!
I have been working on a healthy eating plan for a couple of months now, and have something figured out that will hopefully work for me, if not, I will revamp my plan. I am going to consume around 1900 calories a day in the beginning, eating mostly whole foods and low GI foods. I will be revamping my calorie intake weekly. I will also be adding an exercise plan. Starting out with minimal amounts, and working my way up to my goal of exercising 90 mins a day.
My husband, who has no weight to loss, is also going to changing his diet. He is going to be eating healthy with me as will our daughter. This is a lifestyle change for our whole family.
My husband is also going to be my "personal Trainer", and will be helping me a lot with my exercise routine.
I have also started a weight loss club with some other family members, where we will support one another, and have weekly weigh-ins and stuff like that.
I am changing my whole lifestyle over a period of time. I am starting with the foods I eat, and exercise, but I will be giving up smoking as time goes on. (another thing I will not miss once I get rid of the habit, I hate smoking). This is all about a healthier me! So that I can be around a long time for my daughter.

So there you have it all in a nutshell.

Keep your head up,
JT